Loveable Losers, not so loveable in 2011?

The Chicago Cubs. The Loveable Losers. But are they truly loveable losers in 2011? As a die-hard Chicago Cubs fan I have been trying to work out in my mind what has caused this quintessential pre-allstar break collapse.

As a Cubs fan we have not seen many of these this spring and summer:

We have been seeing more flags like this (heartbreaking really):

Right now they are 35-53. I mean WHAT THE???  The SECOND to the LAST WORST Record in all of Major League Baseball. ONLY the Houston Astros are worse than my beloved Cubbies. 

I mean we are the “Loveable Losers” but really all this LOSING is killing me. Some days I can not even bring myself to look at the score or to hear that there was yet another LOSS.  

Where do you start pointing the fingers? The Front Office? The Manager? The Players? The Front Office for hiring Quade as the full-time manager instead of exploring other options such as Ryne Sandberg? The Front Office for not spending more money on acquiring players? The Front Office for holding onto such large contract players like Soriano?  Where does the blame fall??   

I think the blame is far-reaching.

However, I do not place as much of blame on the way the Cubs are actually playing at the plate and in the field. Don’t get me wrong – blame still does fall heavily on the players because it’s about getting that Win. You can never factor that out.  

If you take a look at the Cubs batting averages you will see that the Chicago Cubs are batting just as WELL if not better than the Philadelphia Phillies (who currently are the BEST team in MLB). 

However, comparing the ERA’s of the starting pitchers for the two teams does make you take a step back and say “OUCH. I mean OUCH.” Virtually NONE of the Cubs starters are under .200 or under .300 for that matter. Whereas, most of the Phillies starts are under .300. Big difference…

CHICAGO CUBS ERA (YTD)         v.             PHILLIES ERA (YTD)

I know our pitching staff has been wrecked with injuries this year, but that kind of excuse can only carry so far. Right now, we currently have 3 members of our starting rotation on the DL, which has been par for the course this year.  But when Marmol loses a game with a wild pitch walk off, you just shake you head in complete utter frustration. You know in your heart this is the way the pitching will go all season for the Cubs.

You also can’t have guys like Starlin Castro (who is the only Cubbie to play in the All-Star game this year as a reserve) making 16 fielding errors!! 


Whereas, the Phillies’ player with the most fielding errors has just 6.  No comparison, an All-star game Shortstop should not have 16 errors at all-star break.

We have some outstanding players on our roster AND those guys – Ramirez, Soto, Castro, Soriano (to name a few) – are pulling their weight (for the most part) BUT we just can’t seem to keep a lead or grab wins. Our team has been torn apart with injuries. It just seems that the Loveable Losers can not get a break in any manner.

Therefore, I feel the Cubs Front Office has made some fatal moves over the past year or so.  Trading guys like Lee, Theriot, and Fontenot and not getting much in return. Yes, the Derrek Lee trade freed up some money to allow us to pick up guys like Garza and Pena.  You will have those who argue that Lee is getting too old and we needed to get rid of him. Uh- huh sure… I don’t buy it… his stats don’t show some huge depressing decline:




































D. Lee was a leader and almost the Gorilla Glue of the Cubs team. There are no natural leaders on the team currently – no one like D. Lee that is (or even Theriot).

 I also believe that the Front Office has been a little too stingy with their pocketbook. What is the point of having a Front Office with $$$$$ when they won’t spend any money to get players?  I know you will say “Well I bet they will plop down a ton of money to get Pujols!!” And I am sure they will and I won’t hate having Pujols. But ONE Man – Pujols – is not the answer to the Cubbie woes.

We also have players in Huge Contracts, like Zambrano and Soriano, that are not living up to the money they make. Now, I believe they are some of the better players on the team, but the amount of money tied up in their contracts definitely holds the Cubs back from pursuing some desirable players.

There is also the decision made by Hendry and the Ricketts to name Quade as the manager at the end of the 2010 Season. I will give Quade this much – he did step in with Lou’s early departure last season and did an outstanding job. He actually had a winning record. In my mind he is still the “acting” manager not the “real” manager and How do you not place a lot of the “losing” blame on his shoulders???  I do. I point my finger directly at him (and right through him to the Front Office for hiring him as the manager).

I just keep wondering.. what would these dark dark days be like if only they had named (the first love of my life) as manager – good ole Ryno Sandberg…. (instead we have lost him forever to the Phillies organization).  He is coaching the Phillies AAA team with a record of 50-36 (.581).  You tell me that’s like comparing apples to guava? All I see is a winning record and a man who I know would have been VERY capable of leading the Cubs this year.

Of course, I do not have all the answers. If I did, I would probably be working for the Cubs. Something has got to change though and I believe it starts from the top down. The Ricketts buying the Cubs was supposed to be a good thing and, in my mind, its been nothing but a downward spiral.

Come on… We KNOW I am not looking for a World Series Ring or even an appearance in the World Series… I am just looking for a Winning Season and for the Ricketts and Hendry to say “We are sorry Cubs fans. We will spend some money and bring you outstanding players. Not only Pujols but some great pitching and a few other fielders. We will make it up to you in 2012. We promise.”

I do still LOVE my loveable losers – even if they are not sooo loveable at the moment.

I just hope there is not an NFL lockout this year and my Bears are there to pick  me up and save me from the Cubbie 2011 fires of hell….


Bacon is love and God and all things between…

Today is a Bacon kind of day… (although what day SHOULD NOT be a bacon kind of day…)

So Chel and I were gchatting (while we were also diligently working because we can multi-task, we are women – we multi-task fabulously!!):

Chel:  i am about to go f*cking trial chel on some unsuspecting desk clerk at the hoiday inn
 me:  ruh roh
 Chel:  i swear to bacon that i will own my own holiday inn/intercontinental
me:  There is a Bacon God – ya know?
 Chel:  there totally is
me:  his loin cloth is made of bacon
me: he has a tender loin… cloth
me:  and the god of bacon is married to the goddess of love because Bacon is Love

Now one thing I have not discussed here is my LOVE for everything Bacon… I even have a great friend who got me Bacon Cologne for my Birthday. And while we were away on a 2 month trial… my slogan to the whole team was “Bacon is Love” –  if you share your bacon with someone it means you love them.. deeply. So all through trial.. anytime someone had Bacon they would secretly slide a piece of bacon on to my plate and I would find it and giggle with Glee. (yes we were delirious…living out of a hotel for 2 months and working 120hr+ weeks BUT STILL!)

So my friend (PS his name is Mark and he is an attorney also) that got me the bacon cologne sent me an email earlier today.. that his mom bought him this…
And he wrote this with the picture:
“Karin – when my Mom was in town, we went to this Polish Catholic Cathedral outside of Philadelphia. My mom got me this statute of Saint Mark – the patron saint of attorneys, captives and notaries.

Feel free to pray to me…”

Upon further research… (aka an email from Chel’s boyfriend) we found out:

In 828, relics believed to be the body of St. Mark were stolen from Alexandria by two Venetian merchants and taken to Venice, where the Byzantine Theodore of Amasea had previously been the patron saint. A basilica was built there to house the relics.

A mosaic in St Mark’s Basilica, Venice depicts sailors covering the relics with a layer of pork. Since Muslims are not allowed to touch pork, this action was done to prevent Muslim intervention in the relics removal.

Chel’s boyfriend remarks on the pork wrapping of St. Mark’s relics: Sweet (and tasty) move…by those Venetians.”

So shortly after I tell Chel that there is a Bacon God.. we find out that St. Mark – patron saint of MY PROFESSION  (attorney) is also WRAPPED IN PORK.

Its just too much for me to handle… I think I need some chocolate covered bacon to deal with the rest of the afternoon…

Not so Loveable Losers… :-(

If you know me at all you know that I am a die-hard avid Chicago Cubs fan… even after years of living in NYC watching the Yankees win world series after world series.. I could NEVER abandon my beloved Cubbies.


Does anyone else feel that the Cubs organization, fans, players are being punished for Shunning Mr. Ryne Sandberg and staying with Quade as the manager?

As a Cubs fan we have not seen many of these this spring and summer:

We have been seeing more flags like this (heartbreaking really):

I mean we are the “Loveable Losers” but really all this LOSING this summer is killing me. Some days I can’t even bring myself to look at the score or to hear that there was yet another LOSS.  

Right now we are 35-52. WTH!!!!  The SECOND to the LAST WORST Record in all of Major League Baseball. ONLY the Houston Astros are worse than my beloved Cubbies.

With the trades of Lee, Theriot, and Fontenot at the end of last season and then naming Quade as manager and just totally dissing Sandberg – I feel the Cubs have made some fatal moves.

We have some outstanding players on our roster AND those guys – Ramirez, Soto, Castro, Soriano (to name a few) – are pulling their weight (for the most part) BUT we just can’t seem to keep a lead or grab wins. Our pitching has been torn apart with injuries (as well as the field players).   It just seems that they canot get a break.

And I have to listen to all those damn Phillies fans go on and on and on about how great they are this year and how its destiny this year. WHATEVS! What is your mascot again? Some freaky green monster that dresses in weird outfits and no one has a clue what he is?  (Can you tell I have a few Phillies fans in my life – that are near and dear to my heart  – but I cannot stand their damn baseball team or their football team for that matter!!)

I still LOVE my loveable losers – even if if they are not sooo loveable at the moment…

I just keep wondering.. what would these dark dark days be like if only they had name the first love of my life as manager – good ole Ryno Sandberg…. (instead we have lost him forever to the Phillies organization).



me: the cubs have the 2nd WORST record in all of Major League Baseball. Only the Houston Astros have a worse record.  (I am currently jumping out my office window – goodbye and i love you)

person that means a lot to me: Don’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Addy:  Too late. she already jumped. this is addy writing you. my mom’s loveable losers became not so loveable this season and she couldn’t handle it.  She loved you though and I will be living with Uncle Charlie. I will try to remain a cubs fan in honor of my mommy.  Love, Addy.

Addy:   P.S. Mommy would not like it if you tried to corrupt me and make me a Phillies fan. So don’t.  Love, Addy

me:  i just saw a clip in the elevator about how terrorists are now surgically implanting bombs. I have been saying that for like 2+ yrs now. that if i was a terrorist i would totally do bomb breast implants. i even told you that awhile ago.  god i am so smart. 
 oh i didnt die when i jumped out the window. i bounced off the big inflatable protestor rat and am still living in misery. ironic that an inflatable protestor rat would save my life. fuckers.

person that means a lot to me:  (did not answer because said person does not find me humorous.. sigh)

Best. Auntie. Ever. Award goesssss to ME!

Jocie LOVED her picture she looked at it and “read” it the whole car ride until we stopped to go to Mystic Pizza in Mystic, CT (one of best Julia Roberts movies ever). And she thought it was sooo cool that I got their pawprint autographs.

And PS I totally could have fooled her that the ghetto/stunt double giraffe and penguin were legits. Because she totally called the giraffe Melman until I read her what was on the pic. Then when my mom asked if the giraffe was Melman she said “No Nana!! They couldn’t come this weekend! This is his friend!”

But she has named them Giraffe and Penguin (ummmm child genius!!!) and says they are friends of all the madagascar peeps.

She asked if Giraffe and Penguin could sleep with her, lamby, Nanna, Poppa, Addy, Gracie, and Payton. She fell asleep in the car clutching the Giraffe and was still clutching Giraffe when we brought her in and put her to bed – its usually lamby she clutches. Auntie Karin kicked some butt with this surprise!

Best. Auntie. Everrrrr.

And this is why I should get best Auntie on Earth Award (ok maybe thats extreme – how about One Kick Ass Auntie Award?)

So later today Addy and I will hop the train to go spend the holiday weekend with my family in Rhode Island and Massachusetts. As you know from my post a few days ago, I FAILED at finding the Madagascar Main Characters to take with me on the train for little Jocie.. and only found the ghetto/stand-in/stunt double giraffe and penguin.

So my mind churns on what I can do for her to make her happy besides just giving her a random giraffe and penguin.

And I come up with THIS (there is a reason they called me the “Art Department” on our last trial – remind me again why I became a lawyer?????):

So it says:

Dear Jocelyn,

We are sooooooo SORRY we could not make the trip to Connecticut with you Auntie Karin. We ahve to stay at the Zoo for the Holiday Weekend. We will have many visitors in NYC this weekend. We hope to make the trip NEXT time!!

Your Auntie Karin came by the Xoo to see us and get our “Paw” Autographs!


Then it is signed with all their paw prints (with their names written next to it)

And yes I drew the NYC skyline in the background and colored it.. the guy in the copy center at work told me I screwed up the Lion – that he liked it better before I added all the brown. He hurt my feelings. But WHATEVER… my Niece is just under THREE like it will matter to her. She will probably just toss my efforts off to the side like “what is this piece of shit you bring me, woman!” (said in her best Stewie voice – as if she knows who stewie is… Come on Karin – she is only one month shy of 3!!)

Update you later if she really says that to me!

The Mouse Turds that made my Eye Explode

So last night Charlie and I get home from the gym – yes we even workout now together, isn’t it cute? Me and my non-husband roommate bench pressing weights together? rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr – anyways… I am cleaning up Addy’s peepee pads (because she simply refused to go potty yesterday morning when I walked her before work) and Charlie is in our kitchen/living room/front entry/tiniest combo room ever and exclaims “WHAT IS THAT?????”

I walk over, look at whats on the kitchen counter and simply and dryly with no inflection in my voice say “Mouse Turds.”  

Like I was almost expecting it – knew it would come soon or later… AND we have not yet been in the new apartment a month.  (don’t get me started on our new and lovely home….cuz this blog post would go on for dayyyyyyyyysssssssssssssss).

Then after the realization settles in I start to SPAZZZZZZ OUT! Like freak out and start gushing to Charlie about the wretched mouse problem I had with my old roommate (Pre-Charlie) in our walk-up apartment on the UES. And how I NOW have this huge fear of mouse infestations and this is why I hate old walkup apartments, and how I want to go back to luxury high rise living, and how I hate our new apartment, and how I can’t even look at mice so he will have to deal with them AND deal their turds (pause in my ranting for him to tell me he thinks glue traps are inhumanefollowed by my death stare – and him giving in to my evil death stare and stating that we could have glue traps), and that we had mice everywhere, running across our beds, couches, EVERYWHERE, and we did everything possible to try to get rid of them but we couldnt and on and on and on and on. And I worked myself up into a complete tizzy.

THEN I did the dishes, then I moved any food laying out into airtight containers, then I whipped out the Clorox Cleanup (best thing ever) and cleaned EVERYTHING. AND I mean everything!!!!!!!!!!!!

So once I have satisfactorily cleaned the house with clorox cleanup I finally settled down.  Had a bite to eat, showered and then crawled in bed to read myself to sleep.

THEN my right eye starts itching like a MOTHER! So I gently rub it a bit… (which I know, I know.. I had LASIK – I am not supposed to RUB my eye! I KNOW!)

Then it starts to HURT and then it feels like its going to explode!!! So I go look in the mirror and it was like the white part of my actual eyeball was swollen and MOVING. LITERALLY WAS MOVING when I moved my eye.. would like MOVE over on top of my colored part of my eye. SO HERE I had freak out #2 of the night. And started violently texting my ex (who is an ophthomologist). At this point (me being a slight hypochondriac) I am spazzing at my him via text.
“omg my eye is broken”
“omg my eye is going to explode”
“omg I am going to go blind”
“omg my eyeball is going to fall out”
“help! Please! Emergency!”
“the outer layer on my eyeball bunches up! Its disgusting and weird!!”
“my eyeball is BROKEN!!”
“I’m scared!! Its scaring me!!”
“broken” “broken” “eyeball” “broken” “broken” “broken” “Broken!!!!”

My poor ex (mind you its midnightish):
“is your vision blurry?”
“rinse it out and put a cold compress on it”
“benedryl. Alloway drops”
“is your cornea puffy?”

Me: “what part is the cornea??? White part or color part??? White part is puffy!!!”
“omg my eyeball is broken and gonna fall out”

And at this point I had gotten Charlie out of bed so he could see that my eyelid had now puffed up to the size of a golfball and I could barely even open it!! He was laughing hysterically at me!! Not Nice!!

Finally Charlie gets my scooby doo ice pack out – cuz its the best thing everrrrrrr – and I put it on my eye and the swelling starts to go down..

My final conclusion before I passed out into a benedryl induced coma on why my eyeball puffed up to the size of a golfball was “Maybe its alcohol withdrawals.” (since I have now not drank in 13 days).

sooooo today it hit me… That although I had showered after maybe just maybe I still had some clorox cleanup on my fingers I used to rub my eye… And that cause it to wig out, fall out and explode.

Bet you thought from the title I got mouse turds in my eye (I didn’t touch those fuckers) but I may as well have got mouse turds in my eye.

And today my eye is still wonky. I looked like cyclops for awhile…or Sloth from Goonies.

I was really wishing I was still on my last trial so I could have asked the witness that was the self-proclaimed drunken pirate for his eye patch.

And crap I just missed my subway stop writing this blog. Hate you all!!!! (meaning hate all the mieces to pieces) And I have to pee!

PS benedryl dreams are soooo weird… I totally thought I was awake but like walking through sludge.

(PPS – the mouse incident was probably totally almost 98% my fault – because I baked cookies and left the pan on top of the oven.  And then all of the sudden it was clean and I though how nice Charlie washed the pan for me – turns out FUCKING EVIL MOUSE was obviously getting up there and eating all the crumbs… little muthafucking bastard.)

Madagascar and the things I do for my adorable Niece

… even though she thinks Les is my BOSS.

One of her FAVORITE movies is Madagasco – yes thats how she says it.

And in the movie the Zoo animals break out of the zoo in NYC and take the train to Connecticut.

One day, Jocie says to my mom “Nanna, do you think that Melman, Gloria, Alex and Marty will come on the train from NYC to Connecticut with Auntie Karin and Addy the next time they come to visit??”

(HONESTLY – I think my family makes this shit up to see HOW FAR I will go for cute little Jocie… but then again I KNOW that Jocie is a smart little booger and 85.7% of me believes she really said this)

So I am going to begrudgingly go to TIME freaking SQUARE and elbow through all the stupid or AMAZEfuckingBAlls tourists to Toys R Us and find Melman, Gloria, Alex and Marty to take with me and Addy on the train on Friday.

I hope this makes her happy.. I hope this is worth it! She has NO clue the pain and suffering Auntie Karin goes through for her (i.e. the American Girl Store at Christmas time with millions of screaming kids running around giving me panic attacks!) 

She should know that I have been on the sober wagon for like 11 days now and this trip to Time Square with alien infested crazy pushing stopping in the middle of the sidewalk for no damn reason tourists MAY just drive me to drink.

So I make my way to Toys R Us in Times Square – weaving through all the slower walkers, random stoppers, etc etc etc. I am actually not to the point of killing a tourist or 10 yet. yet.

I get into Toys R Us and ask a worker “Madagascar stuff?” he looks at me and LAUGHS and says “NONE.” I said “huh? none?” He basically chortled in my face and said “There needs to be another movie to come out for it to be popular enough for there to be stuff in the store.” I looked at him with an EVIL glare and said “I treked through HORRIBLE tourists to come here for my niece and I usualy avoid Times Square at ALL COSTS. BUT Madagascar is POPULAR ENOUGH with my 2.5 year old NIECE!!! NOW what am I supposed to tell her?!?!?!!” He looks at me with a blank stare “I don’t know Miss. And have a good day.”

NOW – I want to KILL SOME TOURISTS!!! All pushing and shoving and standing in the way as I wander around and try to find SOMETHING… well this is the something I come up with… AND I KNOW IT WILL NOT PASS as Melman and ANY of the Penguineeees:

So I leave Toys R Us with a Jeffrey that vibrates to pass as Melman and a NY penguin that vibrates to pass as one of the Penguins…. I am STILL angry at the Toys R Us worker.  You are NOT CUTE or FUNNY chubby 20 something Actor/broadway show wanna be working in a blue shirt at Toys R Us in Times Square.

So I walk my way through Times Square to get to the gym and trust me I don’t hold back on those stupid tourists. I shove and I yell and I bite their heads off and hit some of them with my bag. YES. YES. I was angry New Yorker.

Then I get home and Charlie (who avidly watches the Penguins of Madagascar Cartoon) tells me there is NOOOO Way that the Penguin will pass as one of them. And I send the picture to my mom and she was like umm yea nice try but that won’t fool Jocie.

I was like great. JUST Great. So I have decided that I will just be like JOCIE!! LOOK WHO CAME WITH ME ON THE TRAIN!! And if she thinks its them.. then she thinks its them… GREAT! If not she gets a vibrating random giraffe and a vibrating random NY penguin.  End o’Story.

Maybe for her birthday – I will order online some Madagascar people – (people??? they are not people.. ummm animals??) – and take them up there with me for her birthday.

P.S. I did not drink.. under normal circumstances this would have drove me straight to that bottle of wine in my fridge. Instead I killed 5 miles on the eliptical at the gym. yay me for anger management! ha.