Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, no clue why…I am just a BITCH today..ok i am always a bitch, but even worse than normal. After briefly speaking to a co-worker this morning, he IMed me with this comment “Missy McMoody!” Yep that is me today!
I mean a series of events occurred over the weekend and yesterday to make me sit back and think about things..none of them major or even worthy of wanting to discuss, but collaboratively they caused me to take a few steps back and think about things and try to put somethings in my life in perspective.
People disappoint you (i mean that is part of human nature and there are MANY MANY MANY amazing people out there that do not disappoint you and I love all of you!) but many times you believe people are alot more than what they are – you see the good in them (even if others dont and you want to help them to improve their lives) or want to see the good in them.
And honestly i am not pinpointing one person or one event…just a bunch of small things from a bunch of different people – leading up to this one thought that pushed through to the front of my brain last nite – “maybe i should go back to it just being me“
MEANING – from aug 2004 until i moved to NYC in march 2006, i was by myself ALOT – lived in europe for 6 months and spent most days by myself, lived in cali for 5 months spent most days with who? ME! then moved back to massachusetts for 8 months and for most of those 8 months i knew NO ONE except my brother, his new wife and her family and even after i made a few friends, i still was with just ME alot!
I like ME – some people would probably say that I like ME too much, that i am too self-invovled, self-absorbed, selfish – any of those “self” words except probably selfless (a few of the people closest to me in my life may say that i guess) . Being with just ME over the past 2 years (of course my family, my best friends and many guys have come and gone) has given me an opportunity to find who I REALLY AM!
But when you start to let too many people in things start to get cluttered – you start to lose bits of yourself, pieces of you fall off, some lost forever some just shoved under the bed.
I have been working on my puzzle for 28 years now – it is no where near complete but I also dont like it when i lose a piece here and there.
This realization put me in a stupor last nite and I woke up as an absolute horrible and miserable human being.
I am not saying I am going to become a recluse and cut all my friends out my life – I am just saying I let some bad into my life the last few months – and NOW it is time to let it go and get my puzzle pieces back from them.
Those pieces may be a little bent or torn for awhile but it will be nice to have them back and I am ready to take them back. Its Time to BE WITH ME again.