Vulnerability, Loneliness, Helplessness, Exposed and Mean People Suck

the past two days for me have not been fun. nothing physically happened to me, i have not been bodily harmed. But I feel like my whole life was taken from me. Sunday – sunday started off as a rainy day. However, we were heading out to Brooklyn to Andy and Carolyn’s for a BBQ and it was going to be the first time J met some of my close work friends. I had spent saturday making Key Lime Pie and Strawberry Shortcake for our little party. After an extremely interesting cab ride out to Brooklyn, J and I arrived at Andy and Carolyn’s. We had a great afternoon of drinking several different types of micro-brews and eating delicious food. (mmm grilled sausages). Of course, I was happily snapping pictures all afternoon (notice no pics posted w/ this blog). Finally, after some watermelon outside (after it stopped pouring down rain) J and I decided it was time to head back to Manhattan. We decided to stop off at one of his favorite bars and play some trivia before we headed home for the evening. It was all in all a perfect day and as always I was enjoying the company of my favorite man and my favorite friends.

When we arrived at the bar – Mad River, just blocks from J’s apartment – we sat down and i placed my 3 bags at my feet – 2 w/ food and the other my fendi tote (my purse, which if you know me contains my WHOLE life in it).

We sit and drink, play trivia, enjoy each others company for awhile. Just a nice relaxing end to the day. The bartender brought us our tab and I grabbed my purse – J told me to put my money away that he had it, so i grabbed my phone out of it and put my purse back down. About 20-30 minutes later, we got up to leave. I reach down to grab the bags and my purse, MY FENDI TOTE that i got in Greece in 2003 and that had my WHOLE life in it was GONE. GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO WHERE! Someone had just swiped it right out from (literally) underneath me. I was calm at first, then the fear, anxiety, anger, every emotion imaginable rose in me and as we left the bar I started to cry, BAWL Hysterically – all the way home from 82nd and 3rd to 80th and York, I was BAWLING. We got upstairs after Jen let us in, I don’t remember much I was in shock. I remember putting the food in the fridge and going into my room to look and see if I had my spare set of keys and then just collapsing on my bed bawling again. Now again, if you know me, you know i DONT cry. Almost never do I cry. Takes very extreme situations for me to cry and I couldn’t stop. Finally I just laid down in bed and J held me all nite long.

My day yesterday was spent making phone calls and on the internet, canceling my life and figuring out how to replace things. We had to get a locksmith to change our deadbolt, I had to go out make new keys, I had to call my debit cards and credit cards and cancel them. I filed a police report. I had to find info on replacing my passport and my NY license.

Now let me give you a list of what was in that purse and let me tell you I am pretty sure I don’t even remember everything that was in there: first my Fendi tote that I got in Greece, my new camera, my old camera, my ipod, my passport, my new york temp license, my monthly metro card, another metro card w/ money on it, my debit cards to different accounts, my am ex, several other credit cards, my check book to one bank account, my umbrella, my new book, some gift cards, my social security card (i know groan), $40 cash, a pair of glasses, 2 sets of keys to my apartment, a wallet, a coin purse, a date book, another notebook that i write in and I am sure more is going to come back to me as I realize it is missing.

But think about it – I have NO ID, I have NO ACCESS to my $$. And someone, someone that swiped my purse has my life. They have pics of me, my friends, my family, they have my passport, my social security #, they have one of my bank account’s #s, all my cards are canceled now, they have my apartment keys and know my address from my temp license. They have my cute little red Ipod nano – that says she who dies with the most shoes wins -kp on the back. They have MY WORLD. and I have NOTHING. Well thats how I feel. I have my friends, family, and J.

I feel like I am so helpless, exposed, vulnerable. J left me w/ all the cash he had and his metro card yesterday and Jen has helped me a bit too. But today I woke up to complete depression – yes I am thankful that I have my health and nothing happened to me or J. That all I lost were “things.” But they were important things to me and to have no access to money or no ID, you just feel vulnerable and alone. I am scared. Lonely. Depressed. Violated.

I have been doing everything to try to protect myself against fraud. Filed w/ the credit reporting agencies, filing a stolen passport statement, and on and on. But it just seems that w/ every step I take to try to make this better I have a mountain of more things to do. My one bank account has to be canceled, my direct deposit goes in there, i have automatic pmts coming out of there, so once that account is canceled – I have to fill out more paperwork and change more things.

Its overwhelming to make it all right – on top of the other emotions running through you. I just want it to be over. I wish I was Harry Potter w/ my wand and just wipe it all away with some magical.

J has been amazing. I am not sure how I would be getting through this without him. I feel safe when he checks in on me. Last nite he came over for a bit and he just made me feel better by being there. He has been my rock through this and I can’t ever thank him enough or repay him enough. He just needs to know he means the world to me.

I know it will get better. I know it will all get back to normal. I know I will replace my camera and my ipod eventually and if I get to greece for my 30th bday maybe my tote too. but right now 2 days out from it and sitting here w/ no access to money or have no identification – its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its hard to wrap my mind around the monetary loss that I just incurred – grand larceny is what the police called it. Which the 2 officers, that came to my apartment last nite were so nice and kind.

i just don’t like feeling this way. I feel kinda empty, like someone if they want to can really fuck w/ my life. total violation of my person and my being.

as for the pictures on my camera, all of them had been loaded and saved on my computer except for the ones from that day at the BBQ – which were probably some of the best pics J and I had ever taken together….oh well there will be more.

but as a chuckle for you all – that is 3 – count ’em – 3 cameras I have lost in a matter of 6 months – i am doomed, destined – to NOT have a camera.

i will keep you updated – but MEAN PEOPLE SUCK. whats the point really? yea they ended up getting off w/ some good stuff….but really – why ruin someone’s life like that.

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About Karin "CoCo"

i am just a midwestern girl living in the big city where i belong, happy and... View all posts by Karin "CoCo"

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